Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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