I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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