If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
