he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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