Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Randomize
