I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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