Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
