Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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