i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
