why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
