Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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