I could make wine with my vomit
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
