In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
