so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
