What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
