Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
