ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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