and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
