May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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