It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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