you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
