the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
