This is not my ceiling
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
