better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
