yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
