I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
