dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
