You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
