Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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