I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
