I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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