Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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