also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
