So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
