'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
