Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
