In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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