Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
