Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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