So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
