dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm going to jail i love you
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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