he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
