Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
