tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
