I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
