it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
