I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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