she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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