the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
