Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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